H.P. Lovecraft the Candy Marketer

If you've ever wondered what it would have been like if H.P. Lovecraft had tried to market candy, ponder no more. A recent item in the literary journal "McSweeney's" has come closer than anyone to the answer. Luke Burns' online piece explores "Selections from H.P. Lovecraft's Brief Tenure as a Whitman's Sampler Copywriter." Lovecraft was known to have a notorious sweet tooth, so these eight snippets of an alternate HPL trying to market candy isn't that far fetched. Of course, reading them leaves the impression the stodgy businesses of the 1920s and 1930s wouldn't have kept Lovecraft on long, despite gems like his description of the Caramel Chew:

There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

Read the full scenario linked above for a good laugh from an unlikely source of Lovecraftiana.

-Grim Blogger